haphazard

um, living last year is enough reason for me to be happy..

actually there’s a lot more significant things happened to me, and I’m sure, to you either..you just have to appreciate all things that came to pass, whether it’s good or bad..

remember: there is no good without bad and there is no present without the past..

it’s sad to know that plenty of people i know had a bad 2006.. maybe because they wanted it to be that way.. they disregarded the happy things they experienced and mourn for the bad things .. i guess.. not sure..

let us thank God for giving us another year TO ENJOY!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

kookoo.

this is just today that i came to be aware of a place where people go just to hit a wall with cups, plates, and other ceramics, the TACSIAPO.. ahh, forgot to include the TV. yeah, TVs could also be thrown on that wall. You have to shout TACSAIPOOOO and boom, throw your whatever against the wall.

the owner created that so people could release their anger, annoyance, irritation, wrath(and all the words exist with the same sense) through throwing those hard and brittle stuffs. it’s like..umm.. instead of:

*pushing a bookshelf directing to your boss and leaving him under that ledge

*getting your spouse’s eyes to it’s socket and feed it to a cat

*pulling your classmate’s/officemate’s hair until s/he’ll go bald

*bumping your in-law’s head to a glass mirror until s/he’ll have hemorrage

*battering anyone who annoys you with a pipe until s/he’ll go veggie

*using your professor’s body as a dartboard

and other sadistic acts, you just go and get the ceramics and smash it against the wall. thinking that the one who annoys you are being hitted by the thing you threw..

do you found it stupid?

if yes..well, think again..

if no..why no? explain in not more that 300 sentences using cultural materialism..joke!!

the thing which exists there is what we call DISPLACEMENT in Psychology

DISPLACEMENT-transfer of emotion from the original focus to another less threatening object or person, or the substitution of one response or piece of behavior for another

Microsoft® Encarta® Reference Library 2004. © 1993-2003 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

have you ever felt kicking an innocent cat after a bad experience?

how about hitting the motionless wall roughly after doing a stupid act?

yes? hmmmm,  positive!! you have used displacement..

had your anger lessen after doing such? 

yes, i suppose.. it helps release any heavy feeling. we feel released somehow(compared to sitting-and-doing-nothing blahblah)

–

there are really times when we feel like doing something against anyone which we refrain to carry out because it could be bad and not acceptable by others, so we just look for a someone or something which is innocent enough to be blamed. the cat and the wall in the example there could be your unfortunate victim or what we call SCAPEGOAT. they could be your scapegoat.

but performing those is much more okay than doing the real thing that runs through your mind and feel like doing..right? though it seems not that normal..hehe!

it’s more healthier in a way to release annoyance through throwing plates against a wall than your enemy’s face..right? though the second is better..agree? i agree either but let’s have contact with the world again..

–

let me tell some stories..

there was a time when..okay, okay.. um.. i woke up in a half good half bad mood this morning.. i still feel stupid til now (due to some fancies, argh!!),.. after attending the mass we went to the mall(did i say mall?) i mean, we went to the MALL DAW YUN to look for stuffs, then i came across a humanlike punching whatever… and guess what, i unconsciously started to clobber it. realizing that my dad was staring at me with much of questions on his face..

haha, too much for, what happened a while ago is enough.. and hey, if you are sensitive enough, you’ll feel the things i had went through via those cases..

orayt? by he way, displacement is a kind of defense mechanism.. interested to know some defense mechanisms? don’t hesitate to ask..

psychologist here here!!

27. Someone who means a lot to you at the moment. ~ate frogs..

–

aww..this makes my year end happily..

though it would only be ‘at the moment’, still, that made me feel better..

thanks thingie majingie johnnie boy..

weeeee!! ate frogs will owez be here.. not there!harhar!! harhar!!

–

um, galing yun sa survey sa friendster bulletin, buti nabasa ku.. sob!

but to be honest, i initially understood it as.. eee..um… let me translate it..

"kumain ng palaka!" haha!! instead of "older sister kookoo"

kaya pala walang ‘coordination’ sa tanong ang sagot..haha!

word of the day:

coordination

STUPID ME talaga.. ahaha..

manifestation ng pagiging LOSER! sigh! haha..

kookoo.iliterada kasi

sbi sa pelikula na LOVE ACTUALLY, ang Pasko ay oras para magsabi ng totoo,

pero….

ako? wala, may tao ako na lubos na pinagsinungalingan.. sobrang pasensya na sa kanya, siguro may karapatan parin naman ako para magtago ng mga bagay-bagay para sa pansariling kapakanan.

hindi madaling masaktan, at hindi ito ang oras para dun. um, hindi naman siguro masama kung ako mismo ang gwardiya sibil sa sarili ko.. tama?

sugatan? oo sugatan kung maituturing at ayaw ko naman abusuhin ang nanghihina kong kalooban.. mas marami akong rason para magsaya..

haaaaay..

pananaw:

hindi kaylanman naging mabuti ang pagsisinungaling at hindi ito kaylanman magiging, kahit pa yun tinatawag sa ingles na "white lies", pagsisinungaling pa rin ito.

pero sa madaming beses, sarili ko mismo, pinagsisinungalingan ko pa. hindi talaga ako matino kung maituturing. pero, gaya mo at gaya ng karamihan hindi ito maiiwasan.

kalokohan ang mga sinabi ko sa isa kong susulatin na "they would not listen to you because they want to believe on the things they insist to deem or they do not want to accept the painful fact" mas mainam siguro kung "we" ang ginamit ko at hindi "they" kasi kabilang din ako sa mga taong ganyan.

masakit masaktan, hindi ako ganun ka-sadista para matuwa kapag nasasaktan. ikaw ba? kahit ako may alinlangan para sa iyo, para sa mga totoong nararamdaman mo.

tama ba?

pero kahit anu pa man, responsibilidad natin na gumawa ng mga bagay na ikasisiya natin…… at responsibilidad din natin na pakawalan ang mga bagay na nagbibigay satin ng lubos na pasakit… kailangan natin, na gumawa ng paraan para makita natin ang ganda ng buhay.. malungkot man ang buhay, kailangang bigyan ito ng kulay … ang mabuhay ay hindi pinili, regalo ito. regalo na isang beses lang matatanggap ng kahit sinong ponsyo pilato man. wag natin sayangin ay pagod ng dakila na nagpagod at nag-abala pa na balutin ito sa magandang pambalot na puno ng pagmamahal para sa atin. ang lahat ng regalo na natatanggap natin, kailangan itong pangalagaan, itago at mahalin, higit sa ano pa man.

kalungkutan, nariyan talaga yan, pero isipin muna natin na higit na mas marami ang mga rason upang magsaya. positibo o negatibong pananaw?

ikaw ang magdesisyon para diyan.. salamat sa oras.. salamat talaga..

-sulat ni koovoo.bahay koovoo, kahit munti ang halaman doon, ay sari sari..

ganito dapat, gumawa ka ng jowk, kahit pa korni iyan, nakakatulong yan kahit paano..

THE BASIC

whoah, the day started okay, though i have swollen eyes upon waking up early. IFY(info for you,para bago!): i took a  snooze by 3AM and came alive by 6:30AM. so there are really excuses for me having such puffy eyes.

and guess what, seeing a tv personality with swollen eyes too was the thing that somehow perked me up. seeing cheryl cosim this morning was nice.haha! i’m not alone!!

tootootootootoot..

tootootootootoot..

tootootootootoot..

my phone alarmed, it ’slightly’, i mean it ‘considerably’ disturbed my ’sleep’, or ‘nap’ i must say.. wait, let me rephrase it..

my phone alarmed, it considerably disturbed my nap.. i just have felt that i slept not more than 30 minutes.. yeah, that was just the feeling!

well, for my bloated eyes i actually don’t know if i cried in my sleep (hope not)..argh argh argh.. or the sleep was just really unsatisfactory (for a person who sleeps half day)..

hey it was just 3hours and 30 minutes!!

my excuse is not lame this time, right?! tell me i’m right!! or else..

–

much more about my swollen eyes

–

lately, i slept late and woke up late as well. during those times, i even failed to pray, even just saying thank you and sorry..too bad.. but this sun’up i started the prayer by whispering my thank you. i credit it as the reason why things are going accordingly this day.

–

"lalai, get up, let’s eat for breakfast"

i paused for a while before getting up, i just said myself "rise and shine kookoo"

THE TWIST

while eating, i told them ‘unendingly’ that i am stupid,

yesternight(yesterday night), i waited for 11PM just to watch bubblegang, realizing at the very hour that ABSCBN was the only ch our antenna could get, STUPID ME!.. actually that was just trivial for my stupidity, there’s much more, it was just a scapegoat for some bigger foolishness

ANOTHER TWIST

but i started the day right, so why would i ruin it just because of my stupidity, i must leave it this time, even for a while..

the very reason for my early get-up-and-go is because mom and i planned to go to the COMELEC HQ for my registration.

my dad gave us a ride. kamon, there were plenty of people there. but my mom knew somebody from the office, so we had the access to be entertained before anyone else. i found it cool, and mean in a way (seeing others waiting there who came earlier than us is not a cool thing, <but warm,kidding!> but i’m still thankful, at least i could do more important things after the registration<give me the benefit of the doubt>)

–

THE APPRENTICESHIP? no!!

our laundry shop is just near the place. so, mom and i decided to walk a little and visit the shop(though i really hate going there, to be honest)..hehe

finally.. after few ticktocks my mom started to do something with ledgers. that thing was new to me(i abhor those math calculations<though simple or not>, i am a psych mjr remember?, neither accounting nor commerce), so i intimately look at the financial record books(plural) with ‘innumerable’ blue and red, thick and thin lines. then my mom asked me to do it for her. i don’t know why i granted her wish but      ’i miraculously did it’ <halleluiah,halleluiah, halleluiah>, with ‘enjoyment’<take note>. while doing such, my bangs were sort or blocking my sight. i asked my mom’s helper if they have a pin or clip so my bangs would be refrained from hindering, unfortunately, nobody uses those stuff. i tried to go hunting for one on my mom’s fully-loaded drawer. blissfully, i found two paper clips, yup, ‘paper’ clips. i guess, you know now where the clips went..haha!

now, who would say that i’m using a PAPER clip on my hair?

going back, i would be glad to shift from bs psych to commerce..stir!! no, i still don’t like to be in standing on the industrial world, swear!!

–

whatever.. hmmm, glad to have a fine windy day..

Praise God!!

kookoo.with a smile, though still stupid!

"pasensya na pero hindi ko pwedeng talikuran ang tungkulin ko, ang pagiging superhero ko, ang tungkulin ko para sa mga buhay ng tao"_ super inggo

no one knows how enthusiastic I am on making other’s life happy in my own way. yup, in my own way but it doesn’t constantly mean that I am doing it in my very way. i give positive pieces of advice, sometimes, in a joke manner so that it would be somehow interesting to hear. chameleonic i am, for i could change my colors just to cheer other people up. though in distress, much of it, i still shift from being blue to reddish-yellow color. sometimes, it could be even from the darkest color to incandescent. hyperbolic it may seem but sincere.

at times, i am thinking if i can resign on that function. it’s so injuring on my part to help ‘to some’, if that person i tried helping does not even care to heed. just as what Superman had said "you cannot save someone who doesn’t want to be saved". yes, people have reasons. they would not listen to you because they want to believe on the things they insist to deem or they do not want to accept the painful fact. i can’t blame them for that but that really hurts me big time. call me damp squib for that.

still, i won’t relinquish the claim. i love helping others, why would i leave the job if it’s beneficial to some. plus, seeing people who eventually got out of the darkness through my help makes my scars heal.

well, i’d like to thank God for giving me such fuel to keep people driving on the right track. i’m so thankful for the ability though it is insufficient to some.

i’m blessed, no matter what any kontrabida will say.

"pasensya na pero hindi ko pwedeng talikuran ang tungkulin ko, tungkulin ko para sa mga buhay ng tao"_ super kookoo.haha!!

pero swear mga tropa, lilipad ako para lang sayo!

kookoo. feeling superhero.

tinex aku ni kuya biboy at nagtatanong kung anu daw yun ginawa nya na hindi ku malilimutan ever. an sabi ku:

aba, sinamahan mu me magpaenrol nun freshy days, plus kumain tayu sa kfc, kso fries lan un nlibre mu.ahaha.. tsaka un pagsaway mu sken s pagchew ku ng gum nun colt days(CAT po ang colt para sa mga hindi nakakaalam). ahaha! salamat sa kabaitan..

sabi nya:

hindi ko talaga marecall yun about sa chewing gum. sabi ku tuloy

yun

ay dahil LOSER ka!!

tapos tinanong ku naman siya kung anu naman ang di nya malilimutan na memories with me an sabi nya:

sau, ahm, una sumali ka s ms cn at ang sportswear mo e kulay itim.. tpos nanalo ka.. tpos aun nkatext kta about korni jokes.. so loser k rn.. Tpos ngaun nman e lagi mo ko nireremind about sa yfc gatherings..

ang di ku makuha e bakit ya sinabi sken na LOSER KA DIN.. huh?!

tapos dun ku narealize na hindi naman aku nanalo sa sportswear na yun, kasi nga nun unang pag-tally(isa si kuya biboy sa nagta-tally kasama si tuk’ko,math wiz kasi,haha!) e tie kami ni barbie na naka rollerblades(yup, pang barbie ang sports attire, manifestation ng drug usage,haaay) tapos napagdesisyunan ng mga lecheng hurado na manalo si barbie laban sa sophistikadang equestrienne.. ewan.. haha!

kahit kelan talaga.. pinaka-loser yan si biboy sa lahat ng loser.. though winner sya in a way(dahil sa matinong lablayp,hahahaha!)

photographs of you

placed there

placed here

breaking me into

how could i make it vanish

it’s there, hanging everywhere

how could i make it vanish

it’s here, kept in my core

kept in my heart

–

DIE AWAY

Ytalia Nikolai S. Moreno

how did you greet your friends last christmas? is it a

>hi-GUYS-merry-christmas-to-ALL-miss-ko-na-KAYO-sent-to-ALL type

or

>hi!-thank-YOU-ma.estafadora-for-bein-there-especially-last-wednesday-merry-christmas-ma.es-blahblah-personal-as-in-super-personal type of greeting??

okay, think first.. take your time

–

december, december, december.. the month which people start to greet for christmas even before the very day..

(things really collide, dunno what to write, this or that..errrrrrr…)

–

since Christmas Eve I already had received lotsa lotsa lotsa greetings saying hi-MGA-dude-merry-christmas-salamat-sa-"kabaitan"-NINYO-blahblah(and the likes) which I wasn’t sure if the one who sent me even knew that i did something good to him or none at all or my number was just saved to his beepbeepphone or whaaaat. Almost all greetings that I came to catch gave me a time to assess if i have multiple personality disorder (mpd) or not. why do people say GUYS if i’m just a single entity, and who’s the KAYO? is there someone who is with me everytime that I don’t see.. ek- eks..blahblahsss

–

i really hate people who just text me just because they want to "masulit" their unlimited or because i am just part of their whatever groups. Send-to-many messages are fine with me if it is functional, telling

>to all yfc or

>SY0231 advisory..

or

"MGA DUDE, WALANG PASOK"..

yun pede yun, pedeng-pede kahit sent-to-many..kahit pa araw-araw..woohoo..hehe

–

i also hate single messages which are sent million times, i feel like the one who sent it is implying that

> i-need-to-send-this-things-to-you-many-times-for-you-to-fully-absorb-this-easy-to-understand-blahblahs,

or

> hello-i-have-plenty-of-load-super-plenty, see? daba?!

or

> i-sent-it-to-you-many-times-so-that-your-phone-would-be-busy-somehow-cos-nobody-cares-to-text-you-blahblah

or

> sobrang-sinusulit-ku-lang-talaga-ang-unlimited-at-i-don’t-care-if-you-are-being-disturbed-pissed-and-annoyed-already-basta-ako-super-duper-sulit-blahblahhhhhhh

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. EEERRRRR.. ARRRRRFFFF… kokak!

huh?! kokak daw ba? bat may ganun?.. naku may MPD nga yata..tsktsk! kawawang bata.. palaka pa yun isang personality..tsktsk!

–

and since i hated those, i greeted everyone personally(via text)

i said thank you for the things they did and also, i included their names in order for them to feel that i really mean everything i said and the greeting is really for them, and them alone.

–

i started greeting by 7pm during the christmas eve and ended texting all a minute before the christmas ends.. it really took me long but it’s really fine with me.. since i do not have the means to give them presents, okay na ang pagbati, it really came from my heart..swear..

many replied in shock and somehow touched. that made my christmas okay.

though i had received lotsa text which was not really for me ‘alone’, still, i thank them,   despite the fact that i wasn’t really happy about it.. at least..

and for those who greeted me personally, my heart pounded with delight, thanks, it made me feel that i did something good in some way that i am special enough to be greeted on the same day Jesus was born.. awwwww.. thanks again..

lalo ke ajoy, first na nag-greet na may ATE KOOKOO.. unexpected din ang MERRY CHRISTMAS KOOKOO, HO! HO! HO! ni kuya edsel.. pero salamat talaga..

pero ngayon ku lang talaga naisip na dapat masaya ako na nadawit pa ako sa mga nag sent-to-all.. mini-mean din nila yun.. alam ku, i just have to believe.. ayon, sobrang salamat sa lahat.. sana lahat tayo naging masaya..merry christmas mga kapatidsss. isang matinong ngiti para sayo! : )

kookoo.huhuhu na naging ho!ho!ho! 

sa totoo lan, kanina pa aku inaantok,

*nakapag matulog ka ng mahambing na si thingie majingie

*nakapag-nayt, sweet dreams…ay ayaw mu nga pala ng sweet dreams na si kaiser

*resign si rico sa pagtext saken

*natulog na si teleserye queen

at kung anu anu pang senyales na dapat tulog na ku.

noon, pag gising pa aku ng disoras ng gabi, i-expect mu na nagtetext pa aku, nanonood o kaya’y nagsusulat.. pero ngayon, hindi ku talaga alam kung anong puwersa ang pumipigil sa pagpikit ng mga mata ku na kaninang-kanina pa nais pumahinga..

wala, naisipan ku nalang panoorin ang video ng frailty ng urbandub,

habang nanonood, aba?! hindi yata choppy ang video ngayon, tuloy-tuloy.. isa itong himala

hanggang nanood nalang aku ng mga videos ng taking back sunday, amber pacific, finch at kung anu-ano pa.. basta madami..

ayun, naisip ku na panoorin yun martyr nyebera ng kamikazee, wala, ang astig lan nun video(badtrip lan yun filthy lines sa video mismo).. pero wala, nakaka-touch lan.. tawa aku ng tawa pero feeling ku umiiyak yun loob-loob ku.. ewan.

um, things are really getting clearer now, malungkot pero….. wala, dapat tanggapin..