haphazard

I really love eating mangoes. Especially the ripe ones. Straight from, ummm, not from the tree but from the fridge. I love it when it’s cold like stone cold, yeknow the wrestler. Grrr.

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NOT THE REAL STORY

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Yesterday, an uncle celebrated his birthday. There were lotsa foods. Meat, seafood, pasta, sweets, fruits. Yet I didn’t care. I just went to my cousin’s room and slept. I didn’t feel like eating. I wasn’t on the mood…… to eat food (it rhymes, yey!).

After few hours of snooze… guess what chap, I woke up– 10 minutes before going home. Instead of getting a plate I asked for a glass… went to the punch bowl and get a mango juice (better call it a juice bowl still)… yeah, that was just my intake. I still don’t see the sense why I went to the party. But hey, I was happy to drink that cold and natural juice made by my mom and nenen. Yum. Forgot, Before the party started my cousin gave us a pack of Dried mangoes… so, the juice wasn’t just my intake… but still.. it was mango… a mango juice and dried mangoes…. Owwwwww..

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My grandma(dad’s mon) just came from Cebu city for a conference. Of course, she had pasalubong. It was…….. tadaaaaaaa! Dried mangoes, one of Cebu’s famous sweets.

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I really do not know what is with mangoes that I could not resist.

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THE REAL STORY

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Anyway, since we were still small when we go to Aringay, La Union for vacation, we never fail eating lots of mangoes. I never thought that my grandparents(mom’s parents) have a mango plantation; I always had the idea that they just bought those baskets of mango elsewhere but then as I grew up I have learned that it was really from the trees that was owned by papa lakay and mama naty.

And so? What’s the deal?

After my grandpop died and my grandmom went to the states they gave the mango plantation to one of my uncles and to mom. And since this uncle s*cks he never gave my mom any share to the money he gets from selling those mangoes. Even a cent… coz again, HE S*CKS BIGTIME…

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This is what I hate about money thingy, people become selfish. He even has this big lie that he just gets few amounts for selling the mango and it is just enough for himself (trivia: he only has a son while my mom has three kids to send to school). It will never happen, I know. Mangoes will forever bring money, big money!

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Yet my mom doesn’t mind of it. She just let it pass. “Money will never be a reason for me to hate and have a fight with my brother” she said.

Though we are not rich in terms of wealth and possessions we are still thankful that our family never had big fights unlike the other families in the clan. They even admit that my mom is the luckiest for having dad as his spouse. Okay okay, my dad was rich before but not anymore but still he is the best because he never gives pains to mom and us and he works hard(sleeping after drinking mugs of coffee,kidding). “And because money is not a big deal for us”. Enough means are enough for living.

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For us, the real wealth is not denomination… not just about coins and bills…. BUT family… and goodness…

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If we fought for that petty stuff we may end up fighting—a pass to hell.

And since that incident made us more giving I guess that would be a good pass to heaven…ü

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We may be poor in riches, but ‘never’ in spirit. Well, in fact though we are the poorest among the caboodle, we are the only family who could reach out to those who needed help… love and care. We give hope to the hopeless through serving God in Gawad Kalinga…

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But still, I’m hoping that our share would be given, and I want it to be shared whole-heartedly. That would help us more in providing those underprivileged….. And of course how I wish I could eat plenty of mangoes from OUR TREE… soon…üü

f4-6 years.

2011-2013.

23-25 y/o.

not bad.

madami p pedeng mangyari.

ienjoy nyu n lng ang ganyang idea.

Pole to pole.

End to end.

East-west.

Like a bridge ul end up meeting each othr agen in God’s tym.

10:16pm 23-Apr-07

thus says pia.ü

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"living on the other side of the world doesn’t make a difference. malapit pa yon. kahit sa mars pa yon tumira if you both hold on and believe, life has its meaning of going full circle.."
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thus says pidoy…ü

oo.. binura ko na.. wala kasing kwenta..

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pwede kasing maghanap ng mas okay na topic…

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hindi lang naman iisa ang sulat sa blog ko!

HAUNTING

I just said a couple of days ago that we must love kids…

Yeah, we must love them despite of their abusiveness. Again, for the nth time I took time accompanying my brother to his dance practice though I am really sick and tired of doing it. It’s been a week now, and still he doesn’t want to be left alone… how anti-social. Anyway, I have no choice but to continue the task.

When we arrived at the place, Angel was there, crying AGAIN. I gave her a hug and carried her. Big girls are bullying her (she’s the smallest anyway) and as the biggest girl there I must not tolerate their unkind business (though my veins are telling me to harass her too, haha). O well, I then realized that I was baby sitting already. I told her, “better call me yaya(nanny) than ate kookoo” and i started calling her señiorita. Nothing, she is too young to understand my sarcasms. I wasn’t annoyed or what, I was actually enjoying but still….. I was doing the job of a nanny FOR FREE.

At the end of the day, I realized that I was not just looking after the kids (not only Angel but the other kiddos as well), I was playing with them too. Enjoying. Forgetting that I wasn’t as young as they are.

Only Karol and Ate Maneka know that when I start acting like a kid (what we call regression in psychology) it only manifests that I am sad or distressed.

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BEHIND THE ATTITUDE

25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant..

haha.. the messages, package and visit… now i know..ü

leaving is part in living… i shouldn’t be sad.. ü and besides, he’ll be back… soon.. ü

it was sunday morning, about 3am I guess… the ILC was almost over… people were taking pictures… new found friends were starting to get each other’s numbers and e-adds …

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kikay and i decided to join our bicolano co-yfcs(since we were with our manileño friends the whole conference)…

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a mellow song was playing… we held each other’s hand and crazily danced… i told her "hmmm, pareho tayong masaya no? haha, pareho kasi tayong inlab"…

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we were both "bigo" and "sawi" for a long time… and accidentally guys came into our lives at the same time… we were both happy, undeniably on cloud nine…

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but she told me "tara, last dance na before the flight"… i wasn’t able to control myself to cry… it wasn’t terrible, tears just fell calmly… but my heart is crushing… at the back of my mind "oo nga, aalis na siya"

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i moved backwards… i saw angel… a sweet little girl who loves to make pakarga… she was sleepy that time but i carried her still through my arms… hugged her and danced… i was too sad then but being with her somehow helped me feel better…

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i really don’t know what are with kids… i found them therapeutic… i used to hate kids but now i realized, they are really angels…

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if you hate kids… well, from now on… learn loving them.. try..ü

Hmmmm.. sobrang ang labo lang na madaming bagay ang akala ko’y hindi ko kayang gawin pero pag sinubukan ko na… tsaka ko malalaman…hehe.. kaya ko pala…

Noong mga panahong Pebrero 06 ko lang nalaman na mayroon pala akong kakayanang magsulat… A, B, C… biro lang.. ng mga tula, essay, at king anu-anong kalokohan na maari kong isulat… mga matalino at bobong pananaw hinggil sa iba’t-ibang matalino at bobong isyu at kaganapan.

Haha. at mga ilang araw pa lamang… matapos lumisan ang isang kaibigan(aysows) patungo sa kalawakan este ibang bansa, naisip ko naman na igawa siya ng kanta… oo, naisipang kong gumawa ng kanta… hindi ganoon kahirap gumawa ng kanta(lyrics) kung ikaw ay manunulat… ngunit kung may saliw ito ng instrumeto(at hindi ka marunong tumugtog talaga) tulad ng gitara… ewan ko nalang.. hehe…

PERO… wagi! Nakatapos lang ako kani-kanina ng isang awiting binuo ng may pagaalay ng dugo at pawis… ayun, bonus na nagkaulam kami kaninang hapunan… dinuguan… at din a kinailangan ng asin.. yun pawis na… yun nay un…

Ewan, nagugulat nalang ako sa mga natatago kong kakayanan… hmmm, ano pa kaya… sana kaya ko rin kumain ng apoy, tumawid sa alambre at sumulat ng matitinong bagay… hindi yun ganito… parang walang talino… puro hehe…puro hmmm… puro ayun….

Sige, nais ko nalang ipakita ang kantang aking ginawa… hehe.. may saliw yan, hidni ko lang alam kung paano ku mapaparinig sa inyo… panu ba? Mga techie diyan… paturo!

HOWDY

I STANZA

For years i felt so numb

My heart didn’t beat and it stopped

Assassinated by somebody

Who made me feel like i don’t deserve to live

II STANZA

                But then you came

At first i didn’t care

Except you showed me

How life could be worthy as long as there’s you and me

CHORUS

                You make my days brighter

                You make my dreams wider

You make my stance better

III STANZA

                So grateful coz you came

                Your mere existence can make me happy

                Your smile lights me up

                A single hug can make me feel alright

CHORUS

BRIDGE

                And now i feel so alive

                This heart always beats and stomps aloud

CHORUS

                You always make me feel I’m in heaven

oo..wag kang mayabang… hindi masyadong malaman yung lyrics… e perstaym nga e.. nekstaym, aayusin ko na…

tsaka hindi naman para sayo to… wag kang “assuming”… whoa!ingles.. Epistaxis… haha

“You’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t. So you might do as well.”-spider

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I do have regrets in life, everyone has anyway. No matter how one denies. It is normal for us to have such and a bit abnomal if none… right?!

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Words left unspoken, things left undone, letters left unsent, missions left  unaccomplished, clothes left unwashed (joke!). There are really stuffs we fail to perform; there are occurrences that we fall shortly because of few reasons. It could be due to laziness, lack of enthusiasm or sometimes an unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence or anticipation of danger— FEAR.

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I was born with this vision of something to be bad. I really do not know where I did get such pessimism. I look darkly and negatively to things with regards to…ummm… Almost everything. My parents are always there to support me; friends are present to say that I can make it. People around me have this big trust that I can carry out the things that I am supposed to do. Those who don’t really know me even thought that I am the kind who doesn’t know how to get scared. They see me as a strong somebody who doesn’t know what scaredy-cat, or chicken-hearted meant. But umm… I have just used those words, maybe because they are really part of my vocabulary. Unnecessary to say, it is part of my everyday thoughts.

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There are opportunities that were in front of me but since I was afraid, I let them flew in front of my face… I even gave them the wings to take to the air. Bye bye is all I can say with matching “take care advantageous chance; hope to see you again, just not now I’m still afraid, ‘til next time pal”. But then, once it had passed it won’t come back again. Regret will follow.

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It happened many times. Yet I still don’t know how to embrace them. Fear is eating me entirely. I am afraid that I might fail. I am scared that I might disappoint people who have a big trust in me. I am frightened that I might be frustrated if ever I don’t succeed.

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But on the second thought, isn’t it better to be frustrated and disappointed when you know in yourself that you have tried. If ever you don’t succeed though you’ve tried, it is million times better that not succeeding because you did nothing at all.

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Glad that few great yet worrying things (that made me think for hundred times first) came into action. I was afraid yet you gave all the reasons for me to continue. From the email to the visit. Whoa! Lakas mo talaga saken dear. Sabagay, it took me long to pray and ask. Nothing, I just thank you for being the motivation for me to do things which frightens me.

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I just hope that I could do more since I appeared to take the first step. Uhhh, prayer nga naman… epektibo! ! Hehe.. not damned. Glad I did.ü

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A friend request, it was Michelle. I was thinking of whom she was, she seemed familiar and so I’ve decided to accept the invitation. While computer dude was reading jurasically a thought popped-out. I know her already; she is my “friend’s” girlfriend. It made me think, what could have been her purpose? Anyway, I don’t care anyway. I’m happy with my life now, needless to say with my love life.

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I just checked her profile only to confirm but I guess I am really into reading blogs. So I’ve decided to read her blog then. She has a one-and-only entry and so there are no reasons for me not to read it. She was asking there who to choose, A or B (whoa, matching type is the game..I suggest modified true or false is better.. Kidding!) between the one who does everything to make her happy or the one who makes her cheery without any effort at all…BUT makes her feel that she isn’t that important to match up to such stupid-damn computer game. c’mon..have a hit.. <–click.

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I had this immense feeling that I have to react and give a comment. So, though I was uncertain if she might get mad or what I still deliberately told what I felt like saying… without pretentions.

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Her situation with the guy makes me sick. No girl really deserves to be treated that way; she even does such histrionic acts just to measure her importance to that dumb-ass guy. I can see her authentic love to that crappy dude.

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Okay okay, the dude was my former boyfriend and what the girl was going through right now is a bit same to what I felt when he started leaving me hanging(on a hanger in a closet, grrr) and the feeling was really not good. It actually feels like h*ll. I never imagined that they are together for more or less 3 ½ years now yet she still encounters what I had for only 2months. Now I know that time is not a reason at all.

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I am happy with my life now, really. Finding a guy who would find a time to be with me every time (though he is really miles apart just yesterday, and now across seas..haaay, by heart nalang lagi ang setting), someone who would pray for me and all that..üü someone who could do my home works, wash my clothes and blahblahblah.. hehe..just kidding..ü

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For the past two relationships I had, I’ve realized that it was undeniably a bad experience… hair-raising and bloodcurdling.

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Another former boyfriend just visited me this night…yeah, in my dream. And I believe I shouldn’t call it as a dream but nightmare. Beer bottle (my codename for him) might be better as the first one but still, he is a freak and fake. He gave me pains and lowered my self-esteem.

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Um, let me share the nightmare. I was walking on a street with the cute bulky stuffed doggie slippers my bigbro gave me before he left the country then all of a sudden that beer bottle removed it on my foots, I mean feet and tried hiding it. So, I decided not to chase it anymore and walk barefoot instead.

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Many would react that the dream is too….. uhh..  is TOO SILLY to consider… but guys, i tell you… there are things that are beyond to what you know.. there is a deep interpretation for that..

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Now I know why talking about my past relationships made me say bad words…

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Um, I just hope that I’d be happy next time.

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For mitchie girl, hope your guy would change, or else i’m gonna beat him up for you..

For dumb-ass guy, do better.. aside from stupidity, wala ka ng nagagawa sa mundo.. Don’t lose your purpose..

For beerbottle, salamat sa gabus pero… isoli mo na yung tsinelas ko(sa panaginip din ha).. tapos wag ka ng dadalaw…baka mamatay ako sa bangungot..

boy: "malayo ba ang London?"

girl: "malayo"

(excerpt from magbalik of callalily)

they "easily" gave up…

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öö

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girl: "malayo ba ang Texas?"

boy: "No. in fact it is super near"…"parang 90km lang siya from Laguna..nyahaha"

(excerpt from kalokohan of kokak at aw aw..ü)

while they persist…üü